You’ll eventually lose sight of what you want in life. As you add on to your age, bit by bit, you’ll realise that the best part of your life, had just passed you by. The worse thing is, you didn’t get a good grip of it.

Will we leave in regret?

I don’t want to. But if the worst were to happen, in due course, to my unhappy mother… Would she be relieved? At ease? Comfortable?

She’d never been really happy. After marrying my dad, who worked as a vegetable seller, she worked hard at bringing up her young kids, despite the scorn she received from his family. When I was born, dad was a taxi driver with a gambling problem. He rarely brings home enough money for us.

My brother and sisters had to quit their studies when things got way out of control. She hung on tight to keep us afloat. With the low qualifications, my siblings had to put up with low wages and long hours. Life was alright, but nothing too comfortable.

Dad was diagnosed with colon cancer. Mum had a tumour in her womb. Life was swelling with worries of financial issues. He decided to leave us in the most shocking way possible. She was never really alright after that.

She was constantly depressed and it didn’t help that her youngest daughter, namely me, was beginning to stay at her boyfriend’s home more and more. I was guilty of trying to hide from reality and the stark gloominess hanging over the family. I guess that’s when the travel bug started nibbling on me. I was a huge fan of escaping from problems.

And when that daughter got married and moved out of the house, she was filled with immense loneliness. Her friends and her place to seek emotional solace, the Buddhist temple and school, were far away in the east side. Life never seemed so grey.

Her health went from bad to worse. Her list of ailments: glaucoma, diabetes, high blood pressure, gastric problems… and her recent medical report says that she might develop kidney problems if not treated early. More gruelling physical tests, money worries and depression were to come.

I am putting aside my Tokyo funds for her. I hope I can do more for my mum, for the last phase in her life. My travel bug would have to wait. My own selfish wants, would have to wait. My husband, would have to wait for me to get out of the emotional hole I dug out for myself.

Is that me speaking?